Friday, August 10, 2012

Hmph

Not sure that I will ever get used to the goodbye part of being a foster parent. The here one minute, gone the next - forever - part of it. Baby Girl left this morning. After she left, the almost 2 year old I babysit kept saying, "Where Baby Girl? Where is she? Where Baby Girl?" I felt just as confused as she did. Of course my adult brain can rationalize that she's safe, being taken care of, but the truth is she was just here this morning. For the past two months, it was my job to change her, dress her, feed her, cuddle her, kiss her, put her to bed, give her baths and make sure she was safe, happy and loved. Now its not.

I feel empty.

Foster care shreads the heart on a regular basis.

Hard to know how to press forward and yet deal with it all at the same time.

It makes me feel like I am always here - always grieving something. I want to not grieve.

Now I have to go turn off the baby monitor, wash and put away the bottles and clean her room for the next child...


7 comments :

  1. Thank you for sharing how your heart feels. We weren't set-up to be foster parents but ended up doing it because a friend called. And they let us. I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one who feels empty when this happens.

    I admire the way that you are continuing to be vulnerable each time you are taking in the children. And good for you to know what you need to refresh...a vacation without kids! May your spirit be refreshed.

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  2. The good bye is one of the hardest things we go through as foster parents. My heart still breaks when I think of some of the little ones who've been in and then out of our home. Just know God has another child that He needs you to care for. Whether it's for the moment or for a lifetime, Thank You for being the hands and feet of Jesus! I pray your heart can heal quickly.
    God Bless!
    Kendra

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  3. Praying for you as you clean and prepare for the next.

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  4. I agree with the person who posted above. I have to think that there if one of my babies leaves and goes back to their family, that there is someone out there who needs me even more. I've been foster since 2/12/12 and have so far had 5 foster children in my home. I currently have an 8 month old that has been with me for 3 months and I just try to be thankful for the days that I have with her. I know it's tough, but I hope your heart heals quickly.

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  5. I am just beginning the foster journey but i took care of my great niece this past year. now have not seen her in over 1 month not sure i will anytime soon. I know god has a plan because i know preparing me for foster care and i literally have to go to him daily or could not make it! you are in my prayers.

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  6. I liked some of the comments here...
    It does sound tough :(
    Looks like taking that break is just what the doctor ordered.

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  7. I know it's been a couple of week now, but I just jumped back into the world of blogging. Thinking of you as you continue to grieve, process, and heal. That part of foster care sucks.

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It'll be a pleasure hearing your thoughts. Alisa